"Mother" in Memory Of ...

With the talk of mothers on Blogster, I feel that it is my turn.

My mother passed away one year, seven months, and three days ago. Her birthday (November 9th...two days from now), I still celebrate as if she were here today. I light a white candle every mother's day, on her birthday, and on the day she passed away (everyone knows not to touch those candles).

On Mother's Day (since I am a mother as well), I celebrate it with happiness.
On my mother's birthday, I celebrate it with thankfulness (without her, I wouldn't be here nor would my son).
On the day of my mother's passing, I go into thoughtful, mellow, and sometimes sad mode.

She was only 63 when she passed away. She had Parkinson's Disease and Diabetes. I will never forget the day that my mother's boyfriend of 22 years, calling me up and telling me that he was thinking of putting her in a nursing home, and wanted to get my permission to do this. At that time, I had stayed in contact with them, but I hadn't gone out there to visit them in almost 5 years, so I did not know the extent of my mother's illness. My mother's boyfriend, Ken, had to epxplain the details.

He had been working at one time, but had to stop working to help my mother. Before Ken stopped working, she would get things like "Meals on Wheels" and someone to come in and help her take a bath. When he stopped working, he did everything he could keep her safe.

However, he told me the seriousness of it one day on the phone, that one time, she had left the house while he was on the other side of the trailer without him knowing. A neighbor called him up and said that she was at the end of the road with a police officer completely naked with just a shirt and her sox on...her not knowing how she got there.

So, with that in mind, I decided that she did need to go to a nursing home because we did not have the room to keep her here...I was working, my fiancee was working, and my son here, would not understand.

One day, ken called me and told me that the home said that she had stopped breathing in the middle of the night and a nurse caught it just in time and took her to the hospital. She came back to the nursing home a day or so later. Why? Don't know. She had a urinary track infection as well. But how is she to know she has it when she couldn't remember who Ken was, let alone, her two daughters? She had only been in the home for about three months. The next day, Ken called to see how she was doing after that scary moment. They said that she had just passed away several hours before (which was around 2am in the morning). At this time, I had a letter for her that I just wrote a day before to send it to her as well. I still have that letter.

He called me and told me after he called my sister. Of course, we did not take it well. My sister took it worse then me I think and what we didn't know, was that my sister at that time, was also going through a nervous breakdown.If Ken would of known that, he would of told it to her in a different way, but how do you that? At that time, my sister and I were not speaking to each other, but all those troubles my sister and I were having, went away, and her and I have not argued since.

My healing? What did I do that day when I found out? I drank from about noon til 12:30 in the morning. Not getting drunk, just steadily drinking with my fiancee, my sister's ex boyfriend, and three of my closest friends. Suprisingly, I rarely had broken down through that time. It wasn't being out of disrespect to my mother, I just didn't know any other way to express myself and what I was feeling. It actually took me til the day of her furneral, to express what I was feeling.

On the day of the funeral (April 8th, 2006), we were at their trailer home ready to go, and I saw a picture of my mom in a frame from when she was 47 years old. I cried to no end it seemed. This is how I remembered her the most.

Then I saw a bit of her needle work. It was something that has been in our house when I was a kid, and I remembered it immediately.

And finally, this is picture of my mother at age 62 years old...the year before her passing.

I am not sad about it today. I am just thankful for what my mother had given me....